There is so much that is contentious in the autism community; cell phones, vaccines, circumcision causing autism (no, I didn’t make that one up). Even among the issues that create conflict among our group however one question ultimately stands out.
I’m talking about the cure. And not the fun band I’m old enough to have listened to.
I’ve read beautiful treatises arguing both sides of the white picket puzzle fence. Some of the pro-cure people advocate this treatment at any cost, even if it removed their child’s autism completely. Some parents on the other side of the fence say they’d never give their child the “magic pill” because it might strip them of their identity and make them lose their autism.
Not that a magic pill is forthcoming any time soon, but who the hell is right if there were?
I have a hard time believing any pill could eradicate my sons’ autisms (and yes I use the plural on purpose, they are just that different). I do believe their brains are wired differently, and don’t think a pill could change that underlying neurology. I’ve read many beautiful blog posts by other parents who would beg to differ from me, who claim their children would be forever altered, would lose the essence of who they are.
My question to them is, how do you know?
Truth be told, I’ve only ever had two major issues with autism, and both of them relate to my severely affected child, not my mildly affected one. The first deals with the fact that my kid on the severe end of the spectrum has really, truly suffered. There have been sleep issues, gastroenterological issues, eating conflicts, and hell, just plain will-he-ever-be-happy issues. I have read where some parents say “blame the co-morbid disorder, not the autism,” but that has never sat right with me. Maybe the OCD that often torments my kids would not even grace our presence if he didn’t have autism to begin with. The alphabet soup of ASD, OCD, and ADHD may never even have taken up residence in my kids if they weren’t born with autism. I just happen to believe that if your kid is suffering, even if it’s autism, even if it’s not politically correct to go there, parents should want to alleviate that suffering however they can.
That’s just me.
My second issue with not slipping my severely affected kid that pill is that I will be dead for probably close to half his life, and not around to protect him unless I can haunt him from the grave (I’m working on it). If statistics are true he has a large chance of being molested, injured, or raped during his lifetime, and frankly I’m not at peace with those odds. It’s not his being non-verbal that bothers me- it’s his inability to be independent, to stand up for himself, to self-protect. If he could never speak a word but be able to fend off anyone trying to hurt him I’d be completely at peace with his type of autism.
Since I don’t see that happening any time soon, I’m not.
I’ve never had an issue with my boys being autistic. It’s not that I’m so evolved, it’s that I had autistic students when I was a teacher, and many of those kids led just as happy and fulfilling lives (if not more) than their neurotypical peers. My kids are unique and interesting, and I love them to death. I don’t want to strip them of anything that is fundamentally theirs.
But I’ll tell you, if there was a medication I could give my son that would enable him to live on his own and take care of himself so I’m not freaking out on my deathbed, well, sign me up.
And yes, I know this post will piss some people off.
I want my boys to be happy, loved, and safe. Whatever brings them that trifecta is alright with me.
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